Defeating Your Shyness

Tips and Tricks from a Former Shy Girl

Don’t let the #GirlBoss girlies you see all the time on your stories intimidate you. Chances are, they were once shy gals like you! I was always the kind of kid who never raised her hand to ask a question in class and would mumble my words during presentations in front of the whole class. To be honest, I still struggle with that to this day but there are ways to dealing with shyness. 



My Journey 

Standing up to people has always been difficult for me, especially when it comes to my parents. I was raised under strict Asian parents that did not tolerate backtalk whatsoever so that translated into the rest of my life. It was difficult for me to make friends, even to this day, due to the fact that some social mannerisms are much more difficult to master. However, I have found many ways to counteract my shyness and am now ready to speak up for those that have less of a voice than I do. 






You’re shy! So what! There are so many more traits that define you as a person other than that you are quiet and keep to yourself. There is nothing wrong with that and if anyone mocks and teases you for it,
keep your head high and continue with your life. Acceptance is the foundation to overcoming any obstacle so understanding yourself and your needs and comforts are essential to becoming the person you want to be. 


I became the funny kid. Still quiet, but I was funny! I also sought comfort in writing because it was a place where I could put my true thoughts onto paper without fear of someone knowing what I am thinking. It differs from person to person. I expressed myself through humor, one of my friends did so through her art, and another friend expressed herself through dance. I highly recommend using your hobbies to network and make friends. First impressions and meetings are the hardest but when you have something niche in common, conversation flows much more easily and friendships can blossom. 






Perhaps you were raised in a “don’t speak unless spoken to” household (like me) or have an accent or a speech impediment. Whatever the background is, discover it and overpower it. You are the owner of your words and deserve to share what is on your mind. Accents are beautiful because it shows that you are of a multicultural background and adds power to you for knowing more than one way to communicate. In the case of a speech impediment, look towards powerful people such as James Earl Jones (Darth Vader), the sexy Marilyn Monroe, and the current President of the United States Joe Biden. You are not alone in your struggle and that is important to keep in mind. 


As we are in the age of the internet, sometimes hiding behind a screen is the best thing for a shy girl. We can be anonymous warriors, openly posting our thoughts online through forums and comment sections. We can write powerful emails that demand attention, which is a topic for another thread. If you are starting off your journey with fighting shyness, the internet is a great way to start. Even something as small as leaving a comment under your favorite YouTuber’s newest video is a way to start a quick conversation with people that are already like-minded. 


If your shyness makes it difficult to make friends, try Bumble for friends! This app has created connections with similar-minded people all over the globe. As mentioned with confidence, you can create your own online persona, and although I wouldn’t recommend you exaggerate anything, making your intentions clear while showing your true self is important. Do not point out that you are shy; instead, use words like “reserved” or “enjoy the slow things in life” to get the point across. Eventually, you will find your people, and having friends greatly improves self-esteem and confidence. 

Love Your Shyness 





Being shy and soft-spoken comes with its benefits. For example, baristas LOVE you. You never make a fuss about minute errors with your order and are efficient and not chatty. In groups of friends, you go with the flow. When you do bring something up, everyone listens because that is what good friends do. Shyness is a trait that is looked down upon far too often but that does not have to be the case. Embrace yourself for who you are and slowly put yourself out there. This may sound like a daunting task at first, but eventually, your efforts will pay off. You will love yourself and find people that love you for who you are. 





Being shy is not a negative trait (so to speak but it’s a challenging one). Many people conflate shyness with introversion. Shyness can be a heavy load but introversion is an equally amazing personality trait compared to any other. As a society, we need to stop treating shyness as a deficit  – everyone is in there on stage of confidence. You can be your own support system as long as you know your worth! Be proud of your progress and keep putting one foot in front of the other.


Written by Emma Chang

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