Defeating Your Shyness

Tips and Tricks from a Former Shy Girl

Don’t let the #GirlBoss girlies you see all the time on your stories intimidate you. Chances are, they were once shy gals like you! I was always the kind of kid who never raised her hand to ask a question in class and would mumble my words during presentations in front of the whole class. To be honest, I still struggle with that to this day but there are ways to dealing with shyness. 


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Your Shyness Is Your Super Power: The Power of the Reframe

Maybe you’ve been working on being less reserved. You want to speak up more during meetings, advocate for your business, and become closely connected to the women in your circle. Each of these things can feel like a ten-mile upward hike when you are overcome by shyness. But in a journey to excellence, it’s common to become overly critical…and doing so can cause you to miss out on some of your greatest strengths.

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Tried and true vs. your evolution

supersoulsundayI’m typing this article as I’m watching  Super Soul Sunday on the OWN channel.  I haven’t watched SSS in quiet some time and I enjoyed watching it when I did.

…so what happened?

There are some basic tried and true experiences in your life that always fill you up. When things get chaotic + hectic, your faves may get lost in the shuffle and eventually you forget about them and you may fill that void up with things that are not as great (and if you are lucky with things that are just as great). You can always tell by how you feel.

As I watch this episode where Oprah Winfrey interviews the founder of Linkedin, Jeff Weiner, I’m reminded that as I evolve and as I take big action on my goals, it’s important to keep the basics (that have worked for me).

What are some foundational experiences you’ve HAD in your life that were awesome that you no longer implement? This may require some thought because what tends to happen is we gradually move on and forget but KNOW something is missing.

I use Super Soul Sunday as my example but I’m sure there are others in my life that I now have to pull from my memory.  For example, the other day, I went to a FedEx printing shop and they had adult coloring books for sale.  I picked up the book and flipped through the pages and remembered when I used to color with markers and crayons as a child. I enjoyed that and could definitely understand this new adult coloring book trend that has gotten quite popular recently. I’ve heard quite a few adults say that it has helped them ease stress and increase creativity. I put the book down but for a minute there I was seriously considering purchasing one.  Maybe next time!

I’ll jot down as many things as I can think of that “filled up my cup” consistently in the past but are no longer a part of my routine.  I will assess why they are no longer in my life and take it from there.

It’s great to evolve but when you already found some sparkle along the way, there is no need to bury it, let it help you shine!

What do you think? What are some of your tried and trues that have gotten lost in the shuffle of your evolution? Share in the comments or email me!

Oh, don’t forget to join the tribe at

Turning self-doubt into lemonade

Usually when self-doubt creeps in, I’ve noticed there is something that needs to be filled, always internally and sometimes externally (or both).

Think about it, when you doubt someone else, what’s usually the reason behind that doubt?

  • Maybe you don’t trust them because of what they’ve done in the past.
  • Maybe you don’t have enough proof that leads you to believe in what they’re saying to you.
  • Maybe their promises seem unrealistic. By unrealistic I’m referring to alignment + action, NOT big dreams (I believe in dreaming big!)

So flip this on yourself and get to the root of your SELF-doubt.

  • Do you trust yourself based on your past actions?
  • Do you have evidence that what you say you’ll do is not simply an empty promise to yourself?
  • Are your goals realistic? What I mean by that is: are your goals broken down into chunks that keep them manageable?

Self doubt is defined as:

“lack of confidence in oneself and one’s abilities”.

To reverse self doubt, it requires confidence in oneself and one’s abilities.

  • Assess why this self-doubt is creeping in or has arrived
  • Brainstorm what you half-stepped on because “ain’t no half-steppin” allowed!

  • Make a list of what you can do TODAY to fill the gap
  • What challenges might get in the way when you start working on those things on your list? What will you do to minimize those challenges?
  • Now you have somewhat of a strategy so get to work! PUT ACTION BEHIND THIS PLAN!

When it comes to shyness and anxiety, self doubt can keep you in a state of stagnation.

Olemonade-1ne where you’re dreaming big but not acting big.

One where you’re crippled by low self-esteem and weakened by the energy around you.

A state where you’re waiting for someone to save you and you don’t realize your own power.

When you feel self-doubt creeping in, turn that sour feeling into lemonade!

Even Beyonce sees the value into turning life’s pains into power!

We all go through it no matter what stage you’re in in your life’s journey so GO FOR YOURS!


Start where you are by using your shyness

So, you’re painfully shy.


Going from painfully shy TO feeling pretty good in social settings ISN’T an overnight process.

So, what do you do TODAY?

Here is a list of how to maximize your current situation while you keep your eye on your prize of becoming a person full of moxie!

    • When your peeps on your favorite social media sites are posting amazing photos of all the places they’re at and the cool people they’re hanging out with, don’t feel jealous. DO THIS INSTEAD:
      • Be happy for them
      • Be happy for your future self
      • And pamper yourself from head to toe
        • Deep condition your hair and maybe indulge in a hot oil treatment
        • Take a relaxing bath or soak your feet
        • Paint your nails
        • Just love on yourself however you want to!
        • Don’t waste those precious alone moments on toxic thoughts.  INSTEAD: leverage those moments to make you whole!
    • Play music and pay attention to the songs that really uplift you in ways unimagined and make a playlist with those songs ONLY!
    • There are so many music apps you can use or simply create a playlist on YouTube
    • Take this time to revisit movies that were life changing for you
    • Watch movies that are meaningful to you
    • Find podcasts you think you’ll enjoy and start listening to them while you clean, or while you style your hair.
    • “Fill your cup!”
    • Brew some tea or your favorite cozy drink and snuggle up or luxuriate with a book in hand (or an audiobook)

Those are a few tips on how to work with what you’ve got RIGHT NOW rather than feeling bad about being painfully shy.  USE THIS MOMENT AS A GIFT.

Find that “thing” within you that keeps you reaching higher

I have a bachelor’s degree with a concentration in communications. I went through a lot of hurdles to obtain my degree and it is one of my greatest accomplishments. My first stint at college was unsuccessful as a result of my social anxiety. I had the smarts but I found it extremely frightening to ATTEND class, and when I did attend I was not able to participate and could barely breathe. I managed to barely make it through the first year, then in the following year, things increasingly became unbearable.  Continue reading