Shyness

Fear of “You can’t sit with us” and the empty table

If you’re an introvert, you are probably a table ranker.  When you walk into a room, you immediately rank the tables in the order that you prefer to be seated.  The system is simple enough with one being your preferred seating and five being the please don’t seat me there section.  Let’s take a look at a sample table ranking system for introverts.  
Continue reading “Fear of “You can’t sit with us” and the empty table” »

Small Talk: Can you be great at it?

Silence…  Perfectly fine if you are all alone.  However, in social situations, it is just kind of expected that you’ll talk to others.  If the thought of being a “Chatty Kathy” or “Chatty Kenneth” makes you want to steer clear of others in social settings, here are some thoughts on how you can come to appreciate and be great at small talk. Continue reading “Small Talk: Can you be great at it?” »

Strategies to help you make great decisions (even if you’re shy or anxious)

Back in the 80’s, I was able to participate in a Pepsi Challenge.  It was quite simple, you sipped two colas and chose your favorite.  For the non-cola drinkers, there was a serious conundrum.  How do you choose one over the other?  What makes one better than the other?  What do I like about Cola A versus Cola B?  How do you make such an important choice on the spot?  For most people, the choice was to go with the familiar or do a quick mental check and just go for it.

Continue reading “Strategies to help you make great decisions (even if you’re shy or anxious)” »

Start where you are by using your shyness

So, you’re painfully shy.

Ok.

Going from painfully shy TO feeling pretty good in social settings ISN’T an overnight process.

So, what do you do TODAY?

Here is a list of how to maximize your current situation while you keep your eye on your prize of becoming a person full of moxie!

  1. FIRST AND FOREMOST: YOU MUST KNOW THAT YOU ARE PART OF THE BEAUTIFUL WORLD – MEANING, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, TOO!
  2. ORGANIZE YOUR DIGITAL STUFF, YOUR HARD COPIES + YOUR PERSONAL SPACE
  3. SELF-CARE
    • When your peeps on your favorite social media sites are posting amazing photos of all the places they’re at and the cool people they’re hanging out with, don’t feel jealous. DO THIS INSTEAD:
      • Be happy for them
      • Be happy for your future self
      • And pamper yourself from head to toe
        • Deep condition your hair and maybe indulge in a hot oil treatment
        • Take a relaxing bath or soak your feet
        • Paint your nails
        • Just love on yourself however you want to!
        • Don’t waste those precious alone moments on toxic thoughts.  INSTEAD: leverage those moments to make you whole!
  4. CREATE A MUSIC PLAYLIST
    • Play music and pay attention to the songs that really uplift you in ways unimagined and make a playlist with those songs ONLY!
    • There are so many music apps you can use or simply create a playlist on YouTube
  5. WATCH MOVIES THAT FILL YOU
    • Take this time to revisit movies that were life changing for you
    • Watch movies that are meaningful to you
  6. LISTEN TO PODCASTS THAT FILL YOU
    • Find podcasts you think you’ll enjoy and start listening to them while you clean, or while you style your hair.
    • “Fill your cup!”
  7. READ BOOK THAT FILL YOU
    • Brew some tea or your favorite cozy drink and snuggle up or luxuriate with a book in hand (or an audiobook)
  8. GO FOR A SHORT WALK

Those are a few tips on how to work with what you’ve got RIGHT NOW rather than feeling bad about being painfully shy.  USE THIS MOMENT AS A GIFT.

The very thing you are avoiding is going to peel away shyness!

Conversation can feel icky when you’re painfully shy – but it wasn’t always that way, butterfly!

Something or a collective of things happened to you in your life journey that caused you to look at people and conversation as something to avoid. An overwhelming fear took over you.

The immediate gratification of avoiding people and conversation conflicts with the emptiness it renders over time coupled with the friction toward your big dreams.

There has to be a happy medium for you.

You need an effective way to repair your broken relationship with communication – itself.

Here are 3 tips:

  • Don’t worry about being interesting.
    • Just be
    • Throw out that notion and take that pressure off – give it back to whoever gave it to you in the first place!
    • You are not a sideshow
    • You are not here to entertain
  • Be Interested
    • Be interested in others
    • I know you already are but the preoccupation and overwhelming anxiety is putting up a barrier and you are not able to FLOW – mentally and conversationally, as a result
    • You’re a good listener BUT your own thoughts are NOISY and DISTRACTING you from HEARING what others are saying
  • Get organized
    • Update and Uplevel your TO DO LIST life
    • This will free the muddle of thought chaos that is drowning out your ability to focus in conversation
    • I use Evernote. (<<< that’s my referral link)

The 7 – Week Virtual Communication Bloom Course for Shies is perfect for you if you want to go beyond tips and delve into an experience that will equip you for expected AND unexpected conversation and MORE! Go to http://wallflowerbloom.com/communicationbloom

 

How to succeed as a shy student

A shy student may find that shyness is interfering with success in school. Do you find yourself struggling to ask questions in class? Are you a student that is often overlooked for projects or study groups because you don’t stand out?

If being a shy student affecting your school success, you can develop the skills to become comfortable interacting with others.   You can try some of the same strategies used by teachers to help their “shy” students feel more confident in the classroom. Continue reading “How to succeed as a shy student” »

Owning your shyness at work

It’s the night before the first day of your new job. You’re standing in front of your closet, trying to decide what to wear. Your goal: not to draw attention to yourself. If you’re lucky, no one will notice you and you won’t be forced to engage in conversations that end in awkward silence.

If this is you, you need to remember something very important. Your future boss may already know that you are shy based on your interview, but guess what? He/She picked you for a reason. Not only did you demonstrate that you were the best candidate for the job, but you have something that your boss longs for–the voice of reason. This voice is something that you’ve developed strongly, probably as a result of your shyness and your experiences as a shy person. Continue reading “Owning your shyness at work” »

Find that “thing” within you that keeps you reaching higher

I have a bachelor’s degree with a concentration in communications. I went through a lot of hurdles to obtain my degree and it is one of my greatest accomplishments. My first stint at college was unsuccessful as a result of my social anxiety. I had the smarts but I found it extremely frightening to ATTEND class, and when I did attend I was not able to participate and could barely breathe. I managed to barely make it through the first year, then in the following year, things increasingly became unbearable.  Continue reading “Find that “thing” within you that keeps you reaching higher” »

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