BLOG

What to do if your pet has anxiety, like you?

Pets are great companions that can help you peel away shyness and anxiety.  They do this with the attention and love they pour in to you – especially dogs.  Dogs will also force you to get out more via daily walks.  The cuteness overload plus knowing that you have a furbaby to care for, creates intrinsic motivation that spreads to other areas of your life. This article is about what you can do if you happen to have an anxious pet.  You know how it feels to be anxious and now your pet can benefit from your compassion.  Read on! – Wallflower Bloom
Continue reading

Fear of “You can’t sit with us” and the empty table

If you’re an introvert, you are probably a table ranker.  When you walk into a room, you immediately rank the tables in the order that you prefer to be seated.  The system is simple enough with one being your preferred seating and five being the please don’t seat me there section.  Let’s take a look at a sample table ranking system for introverts.  
Continue reading

TIP: Small Talk: Can you be great at it?

Silence…  Perfectly fine if you are all alone.  However, in social situations, it is just kind of expected that you’ll talk to others.  If the thought of being a “Chatty Kathy” or “Chatty Kenneth” smalltalk-pic-via-canva-by-tommeka-semien-pngmakes you want to steer clear of others in social settings, here are some thoughts on how you can come to appreciate and be great at small talk. Continue reading

Strategies to help you make great decisions (even if you’re shy or anxious)

Back in the 80’s, I was able to participate in a Pepsi Challenge.  It was quite simple, you sipped two colas and chose your favorite.  For the non-cola drinkers, there was a serious conundrum.  How do you choose one over the other?  What makes one better than the other?  What do I like about Cola A versus Cola B?  How do you make such an important choice on the spot?  For most people, the choice was to go with the familiar or do a quick mental check and just go for it.

Continue reading

Tried and true vs. your evolution

supersoulsundayI’m typing this article as I’m watching  Super Soul Sunday on the OWN channel.  I haven’t watched SSS in quiet some time and I enjoyed watching it when I did.

…so what happened?

There are some basic tried and true experiences in your life that always fill you up. When things get chaotic + hectic, your faves may get lost in the shuffle and eventually you forget about them and you may fill that void up with things that are not as great (and if you are lucky with things that are just as great). You can always tell by how you feel.

As I watch this episode where Oprah Winfrey interviews the founder of Linkedin, Jeff Weiner, I’m reminded that as I evolve and as I take big action on my goals, it’s important to keep the basics (that have worked for me).

What are some foundational experiences you’ve HAD in your life that were awesome that you no longer implement? This may require some thought because what tends to happen is we gradually move on and forget but KNOW something is missing.

I use Super Soul Sunday as my example but I’m sure there are others in my life that I now have to pull from my memory.  For example, the other day, I went to a FedEx printing shop and they had adult coloring books for sale.  I picked up the book and flipped through the pages and remembered when I used to color with markers and crayons as a child. I enjoyed that and could definitely understand this new adult coloring book trend that has gotten quite popular recently. I’ve heard quite a few adults say that it has helped them ease stress and increase creativity. I put the book down but for a minute there I was seriously considering purchasing one.  Maybe next time!

I’ll jot down as many things as I can think of that “filled up my cup” consistently in the past but are no longer a part of my routine.  I will assess why they are no longer in my life and take it from there.

It’s great to evolve but when you already found some sparkle along the way, there is no need to bury it, let it help you shine!

What do you think? What are some of your tried and trues that have gotten lost in the shuffle of your evolution? Share in the comments or email me!

Oh, don’t forget to join the tribe at wallflowerbloom.com/enter

Turning self-doubt into lemonade

Usually when self-doubt creeps in, I’ve noticed there is something that needs to be filled, always internally and sometimes externally (or both).

Think about it, when you doubt someone else, what’s usually the reason behind that doubt?

  • Maybe you don’t trust them because of what they’ve done in the past.
  • Maybe you don’t have enough proof that leads you to believe in what they’re saying to you.
  • Maybe their promises seem unrealistic. By unrealistic I’m referring to alignment + action, NOT big dreams (I believe in dreaming big!)

So flip this on yourself and get to the root of your SELF-doubt.

  • Do you trust yourself based on your past actions?
  • Do you have evidence that what you say you’ll do is not simply an empty promise to yourself?
  • Are your goals realistic? What I mean by that is: are your goals broken down into chunks that keep them manageable?

Self doubt is defined as:

“lack of confidence in oneself and one’s abilities”.

To reverse self doubt, it requires confidence in oneself and one’s abilities.

  • Assess why this self-doubt is creeping in or has arrived
  • Brainstorm what you half-stepped on because “ain’t no half-steppin” allowed!

  • Make a list of what you can do TODAY to fill the gap
  • What challenges might get in the way when you start working on those things on your list? What will you do to minimize those challenges?
  • Now you have somewhat of a strategy so get to work! PUT ACTION BEHIND THIS PLAN!

When it comes to shyness and anxiety, self doubt can keep you in a state of stagnation.

Olemonade-1ne where you’re dreaming big but not acting big.

One where you’re crippled by low self-esteem and weakened by the energy around you.

A state where you’re waiting for someone to save you and you don’t realize your own power.

When you feel self-doubt creeping in, turn that sour feeling into lemonade!

Even Beyonce sees the value into turning life’s pains into power!

We all go through it no matter what stage you’re in in your life’s journey so GO FOR YOURS!

 

Social anxiety and politics

We’re in an election year and this has me thinking about you!

Some people say votes don’t count. Others say votes do count and our ancestors died for our right to vote.

Something about a vote is very powerful – whether politically or outside of the realm of politics.

A vote is synonymous with your voice.  It is a statement – in and of itself. And too often, you don’t share your voice and thus the entire idea of voting can possibly create anxiety OR create relief! And that is why I want to hear from you. What is your experience?

Politics is one of those things that when brought up in conversation – can go very wrong and create heightened tension as emotions bubble to the surface. (IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY AND MANY TIMES IT ISN’T THAT WAY. MANY TIMES IT CREATES COMPELLING CONVERSATION)

That very possibility of a heated argument blowing up is THE VERY THING that keeps those with social anxiety and shyness fearful of conversation and social interaction. That fear of the worse case scenario.

I’m a firm believer that hot topics like religion, race, and politics are important but it’s all about how the parties in the conversation approach the topic.  

  • What is the intention?
  • Are they LISTENING?
  • Are they speaking from a place of love instead of fear?

What if one person seems to be trying to start an argument and then others follow their lead?

How do you compose yourself so that you’re not negatively impacted to the point where you take the low road or you freeze or you “run away”?

SHARE IN THE COMMENTS BELOW OR EMAIL ME!

I’m interested in learning about your experience around social anxiety and voting and social anxiety and the political discourse.

Has your anxieties every kept you out of the voting booth? Do you go mute in political conversations?

I’m also interested in knowing if you anxieties have done the opposite and propelled you to vote as it was a quiet way of making a loud noise?

Share anything about your experience and what your challenges are.

Whether you choose to vote (I’ll be voting) or not, make sure you vote for yourself by showing up for yourself every day!

Start where you are by using your shyness

So, you’re painfully shy.

Ok.

Going from painfully shy TO feeling pretty good in social settings ISN’T an overnight process.

So, what do you do TODAY?

Here is a list of how to maximize your current situation while you keep your eye on your prize of becoming a person full of moxie!

  1. FIRST AND FOREMOST: YOU MUST KNOW THAT YOU ARE PART OF THE BEAUTIFUL WORLD – MEANING, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, TOO!
  2. ORGANIZE YOUR DIGITAL STUFF, YOUR HARD COPIES + YOUR PERSONAL SPACE
  3. SELF-CARE
    • When your peeps on your favorite social media sites are posting amazing photos of all the places they’re at and the cool people they’re hanging out with, don’t feel jealous. DO THIS INSTEAD:
      • Be happy for them
      • Be happy for your future self
      • And pamper yourself from head to toe
        • Deep condition your hair and maybe indulge in a hot oil treatment
        • Take a relaxing bath or soak your feet
        • Paint your nails
        • Just love on yourself however you want to!
        • Don’t waste those precious alone moments on toxic thoughts.  INSTEAD: leverage those moments to make you whole!
  4. CREATE A MUSIC PLAYLIST
    • Play music and pay attention to the songs that really uplift you in ways unimagined and make a playlist with those songs ONLY!
    • There are so many music apps you can use or simply create a playlist on YouTube
  5. WATCH MOVIES THAT FILL YOU
    • Take this time to revisit movies that were life changing for you
    • Watch movies that are meaningful to you
  6. LISTEN TO PODCASTS THAT FILL YOU
    • Find podcasts you think you’ll enjoy and start listening to them while you clean, or while you style your hair.
    • “Fill your cup!”
  7. READ BOOK THAT FILL YOU
    • Brew some tea or your favorite cozy drink and snuggle up or luxuriate with a book in hand (or an audiobook)
  8. GO FOR A SHORT WALK

Those are a few tips on how to work with what you’ve got RIGHT NOW rather than feeling bad about being painfully shy.  USE THIS MOMENT AS A GIFT.

TIP: The very thing you are avoiding is going to peel away shyness!

Conversation can feel icky when you’re painfully shy – but it wasn’t always that way, butterfly!

Something or a collective of things happened to you in your life journey that caused you to look at people and conversation as something to avoid. An overwhelming fear took over you.

The immediate gratification of avoiding people and conversation conflicts with the emptiness it renders over time coupled with the friction toward your big dreams.

There has to be a happy medium for you.

You need an effective way to repair your broken relationship with communication – itself.

Here are 3 tips: Continue reading

Extroverts and introverts in college

Each person has a different kind of personality. The two main personality types are the extrovert and the introvert. Both has its own set of advantages and disadvantages. For people in their college years, the type of personality they have plays a big role in the success in living through the said period. There is an estimate of 50.7% extroverts and 49.3% introverts living in the United States. How can the extrovert and introvert traits affect their daily living as college students? Continue reading

Britney Spears and shyness

The people you would probably not consider to be shy are celebrities. Based on the kind of work they do, many wouldn’t expect these personalities to deal with shyness or, even, social anxiety. It’s difficult to imagine a person who is always in the spotlight could be uncomfortable talking with strangers or being the center of attention. These celebrities may be outgoing and bubbly on the outside, as their careers require them to be so, but many tend to feel more comfortable away from the limelight. Continue reading

How to succeed as a shy student

A shy student may find that shyness is interfering with success in school. Do you find yourself struggling to ask questions in class? Are you a student that is often overlooked for projects or study groups because you don’t stand out?

If being a shy student affecting your school success, you can develop the skills to become comfortable interacting with others.   You can try some of the same strategies used by teachers to help their “shy” students feel more confident in the classroom. Continue reading

Owning your shyness at work

It’s the night before the first day of your new job. You’re standing in front of your closet, trying to decide what to wear. Your goal: not to draw attention to yourself. If you’re lucky, no one will notice you and you won’t be forced to engage in conversations that end in awkward silence.

If this is you, you need to remember something very important. Your future boss may already know that you are shy based on your interview, but guess what? He/She picked you for a reason. Not only did you demonstrate that you were the best candidate for the job, but you have something that your boss longs for–the voice of reason. This voice is something that you’ve developed strongly, probably as a result of your shyness and your experiences as a shy person. Continue reading

Social Anxiety and Thanksgiving (or Christmas, or any other holiday)

When I look back at the many years that I dealt with social anxiety during the holidays (specifically, Thanksgiving) and how I dreaded the inevitable pressure to eat at the table with everyone else, I can actually say thank you to my old self.  Yes it was hard but look how far we’ve come.  Yes, it felt like I couldn’t do it but I made it through, year after year.  I used the discomfort as my motivator.  I would say, I have to work on this because I can’t live like this for the rest of my life.  It gets better.

(I feel like I repeat this often, but social anxiety is different from shyness.  I’ve dealt with both.  I am not 100% over my anxieties because a certain level of anxiety is simply just being human, but social anxiety is no longer a crippling factor for me. So I digress…) It gets better. Continue reading

Leverage Halloween: Uncover Your Confidence

Why not use Halloween to assist in uncovering your confidence? You can try dressing up as a character or person you admire. One that is a close match to who you know you are at your core and at your best! Even if it is a spooky or scary character, what can you draw from that as you take on that persona for a day?  Maybe it is a way to be one with your fears and to understand the challenge fears are presenting to you to make you better?  Deep, right?  LOL. But seriously – you can connect with your authentic self with any character you take on if you are making that link and either exuding the best or learning from the weakness in a way that makes you grow.

This year, despite making huge strides in whipping social anxiety’s behind, I’m still going to leverage the power of Janet Jackson as a pathway to allow my inner dance goddess to shine through – circa the ‘Rhythm Nation’ era! I may post a photo on my social media pages so be sure to follow me! I’m constantly working to make myself better because I compare myself to myself and want to continue to make strides. Halloween is a fun way to do some of that work. Continue reading

Is there such a thing as a shy actor?

Most people believe that actors do what they do because they love to be the center of attention and to have people watching them all the time. Believe it or not, many of the famous people we love to watch are incredibly shy and only do what they do because they love it.  The perk is, it can help them overcome their shyness or help them express themselves through a character. Continue reading

Differences: introvert, shy, social anxiety, empath, HSP

Most of us have had times in our lives where we’ve felt shy or uncomfortable meeting other people, especially if it is in a large crowd. But, sometimes, the problem is more than being shy and sometimes it is not shyness, and sometimes it is not a problem – per se. Either way, you should understand that there are lots of other people who understand how you feel. Continue reading